Spicing up your gay sex life!

Gay, Straight or Bi the fact is sometimes our sex life can become very dull.  As a qualified sex therapist I have a few ideas that might help spice things up for those people who do want to enjoy sex more but have found themselves to be in a bit of a rut.

Sometimes, even if we know all this stuff we can get lazy and forget for a while, so it often helps to ‘come across’ a little reminder like this article, or even to have a list in front on you.  You can get inspiration for more ideas from the internet, in books, magazines and newspapers, your friends and family, workmates, people in supermarket queues…

Often it is because we stop communicating with our partner(s) that life and sex gets very very dull!

Discussing such a list with your sexual partner could get some creative and perhaps other juices flowing!  Everyone is different and enjoys different things, so some things might not appeal ever and others might not appeal today but will tomorrow.  A list is something that you can take or leave and a long list gives plenty of scope for you or your partner to rule out or press pause on certain things — and of course, plenty of things that you are both happy to have a go at.

I think it is important to note that not all sex needs to be spiced up. If you are both (all) happy that sex is not happening right now, or that you occasionally have lazy — quick and efficient sex because it just ‘works’, then that is fine too.  There is enough pressure out there to believe that you should be having much better and more frequent sex than your mates with fireworks every time; so, take it or leave it or add to it — but don’t be overwhelmed by a list of sexy ideas.

There are many valid and varied reasons why people have sex and a quickie is just as useful as is an entire spiritual experience.  We tend to forget that it is about the pleasure.  It is OK to have lots of touching, giving and receiving without having the big O or even any sort of penetration.

Relationship issues really do need to be sorted somewhat to be able to share intimacy — it is pretty hard to maintain loving feelings for someone who is lazy around the house and expecting others to clean up after them, or for people who don’t maintain minimal standards of hygiene (unless agreed upon), or someone who has been critical and nagging for long periods of time.

The beginning of a list...

  • Connecting is important — sexual conversation can begin long before any touching, you could invent a new special language that is just about sex
  • Allow yourself to be lost in the moment
  • Use blindfolds to heighten the whole range of senses
  • Play sexy music that becomes a mind trigger and helps with rhythm
  •  Exercise or meditate together first, maybe try tantra
  • Go out and buy new toys together
  • Role play — costumes, accessories, scenarios,  different voices or fantasy characters
  • Be playful and silly, tickle and laugh
  • Dare to vary the menu
  • Make lots of noise — or stay completely silent
  • Make your own porn/look in a mirror
  • Be unpredictable
  • Change the location or swap your usual roles
  • Don’t be afraid to explore your sexual fantasies
  • Don’t forget to communicate with your partner and add your own ideas!

Tags: Homosexuality, Gay Men, Sex

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